Dealing with discipline (in NextGen ministry)

Children’s ministry volunteers. We all need them, we never seem to have enough, and sometimes good ones we have leave. In follow up conversations I have discovered one of the reasons we’ve lost good volunteers is over discipline in the classroom. “The kids won’t listen.” “They’re out of control.” “There’s one that always distracts/picks on others and I don’t know what to do about it.” There’s no standard. There’s no line to draw. I think this is a huge oversight. Kids crave boundaries. They won’t behave within a boundary that they don’t know exists.

Discipline is not a bad thing! The word comes from the word “disciple”, and it means training that molds character, behaviour, and values. Hebrews 12 outlines Christian discipline; verse 11 says that “no discipline seems pleasant at the time… Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” So how do we do this well in ministry?

A few years ago I had some school teachers help me develop a discipline policy for our kids ministry (and then it went into our youth ministry too). It is simple, it works with every age group in every setting, and we’ve seen fantastic improvements. Leaders are happier, kids are happier, and everyone understands what the baseline is. The last 2 years at the NEXT Conference I’ve led a workshop on discipline, and it’s been greatly attended both times. So I thought it was time to share!

3 Keys in Creating a Discipline Policy for your Children’s Ministry

1) Keep it Simple.
We have 3 rules: respect yourself, respect others, respect your space. Depending on the age or event, you can explain these out in different ways. It’s amazing when the kids know them so well, you can simply ask “what is rule #2?” when they’re breaking it and they just stop. Repetition & familiarity is key. I don’t begin any event without first reviewing them (one day at camp this week my student didn’t… And then immediately realized why that was a mistake!)

2) Keep it Gracious.
The kids don’t often hear it, but we do have a bit of a colour system if kids continue to cause problems. It goes from a gentle reminder, to a conversation, to a conversation with the event coordinator, to contact of the parents, to a parent meeting/possible suspension. We’ve literally never had to go all the way in the last 4 years since this was implemented. But the kids (and leaders!) know there’s a process.

I am not advocating regimental boot camp… Sometimes kids are hyper, sometimes they’ve had a bad day (haven’t we all?) and so I encourage our leaders to use heaps of discernment and always err on the side of grace. The goal is a great relationship between leaders and kids where boundaries are understood out of respect and love for one another.

3) Explain the Why.
Make sure your kids, leaders, and parents know why you have rules, and consequences. We want our kids ministry to be fun, safe, and welcoming for all kids who come. Jesus teaches us to love others in the way He has loved us. We need to model that in our ministries. We want to love the child causing the disturbance, but not at the expense of unloving the 20–30 others in the program.

Respect. Expect it, and get it. It will transform your ministry, and perhaps some of your lost leaders will come back. :)